If you are in conflict with your child/adolescent now here is what you can do to ensure you and anyone else in the home stay safe:
If you are in fear of being hurt or someone in the house being hurt CALL the POLICE
United Kingdom - 999.
Southern & Northern Ireland - 112 or 999
European Union - 112
North America - 911
India - 100
It is hard to imagine calling the police on your child. Many parents we work with are, understandably, confused and scared about this.
However, you and anyone else in the home have The Right to Feel Safe.
Calling the police is not easy and may not be the answer for you but keeping safe is. The police DO NOT want to criminalise your child - this is about you making a very clear stance that ABUSE and VIOLENCE is not acceptable behaviour. Read our document calling the police under resources.
Find a safe space remove yourself from the behavior.
Make sure you have your phone with you so you can contact the police or a friend for help and support.
By staying in a safe space you remove yourself from the argument staying out of the way of a child who may be out of control.
Once the behaviour has stopped:
Do not ask why your child was angry at this point.
Get support for strategies around communication with your child
There is likely to be a lot of emotions in place for both you and the child so bringing up the reasons too soon can result in another escalation or unwanted behaviour.
You need to allow yourself time and space to think about why the behaviour started (sometimes this is not always clear).
Give yourself time to think about your response.
By doing this you can give clear messages about what you want to happen and how you are going to manage this moving forward.
The Three C's
Calm - It is important to be calm. When you are angry and frustrated your self and you try to get to the reason of why, you are likely to re escalate the argument. It can often be to soon.
Clear - Be clear about what you are asking or saying.
Communication - Very often with child to parent abuse the relationship has fractured and resulted in a crisis. How we communicate is a vital key when looking to repair the relationships with your child.
Keeping sentences short and to the point. (5 -10 words.)
Be clear on what you are asking or saying.
Use a calm even tone.
Allow space for your child to respond.
For more information on how Capa can help email us on: